A relationship expert has sparked a debate by saying that men should always foot the bill on a first date.
Lori Gottlieb, a couples therapist and bestselling author, made the controversial statement during an interview with Steven Bartlett on his popular podcast, Diary of a CEO.
Lori, who is also the co-host of the ‘Dear Therapists’ podcast and author of New York Times bestsellers Maybe You Should Talk to Someone and Mr Good Enough, was asked by Steven: “If you went on a first date with a guy and he asks to split the bill or he doesn’t immediately pay, would that be an ‘ick’ for you? Would that turn you off them?”
To which she responded: “That would be a huge ‘ick’ for me, yes.”
When Steven probed further, asking: “So even if you went on a first date with a guy and he didn’t pay? ” Lori quickly replied: “Yes, absolutely.”
She then tried to explain her viewpoint, stating: “It’s hard to articulate because this is what women will say of all ages.”, reports Bristol Live.
She added: “But I think for my age we grew up with that was the expectation. I think for younger generations, maybe it’s not the expectation. But I think a lot of people still like it or want it.”
“There’s something about it that says ‘I really valued our time together, I care, I’m interested’. It’s a way of signalling interest. But I think even if the person isn’t interested and you’re not going to see each other again, it’s just a nice gesture.”
“But I don’t have any rational way of explaining why, and if I were to get rational about it, I would talk myself out of it.”
Steven told her: “I think that’s a very honest answer. The rebuttal to that would be that if men are expected to pay then we’re going to need more money.”
Lori responded: “Yes, and it gets very expensive to date.”
Speaking about her 18-year-old son, Lori said he likes to pay on dates, but sometimes people are offended by it. “He thinks, well I’m just being sort of chivalrous. But there are all these ways in which you don’t know what is expected of you,” she said.
“So it’s like if he pays, then some people take offence. If he doesn’t pay, then some people take offence, and he just doesn’t know what to.”
The relationship expert continued: “The role of a man is really unclear. I think that it really needs to be discussed.”
“And that’s where I think there’s hope, when people can actually say, ‘hey I’d really like to pay on this date’, and you know, if she says, ‘well I don’t feel comfortable with that’, I think a question is, ‘okay that’s fine, we can split it, but I want to let’s talk about why’.”
