A relationship expert has revealed the three key reasons why couples with larger age gaps break-up, and it’s not straight forward.
Speaking to Express.co.uk, counsellor Georgina Sturmer MBACP says age really is “just a number” in many ways. “The key ingredients to a successful relationship – including communication, mutual respect, effective compromise and a sense of connection – are not necessarily tied to our age,” she said.
She noted that being the same age as someone “certainly doesn’t mean that we think or behave in similar ways, or that we want the same things out of life,” Sturmer said, adding: “So, like all differences, an age gap can simply be a feature of our relationships, rather than a derailment.
But asked why relationships with this dynamic do breakdown, Sturmer argued it’s often down to three things, including diverging paths.
“The tricky thing with age gaps is when they start to get in the way of what we want out of life, in terms of our family, our career, our goals. When there’s a large age gap we might find ourselves at odds with each other’s plans,” she said.
Factors outside of the relationship itself can also be a factor, she said. “Society doesn’t always welcome age gap relationships. This can mean that this type of relationship comes under additional pressure or scrutiny from those around us,” the mental health professional added. “This can lead us to question and worry about the future of our relationship.”
Age gap relationships might also come with a lack of common ground, she said. “We might have grown up in a different area, with different cultural and social influences,” Sturmer told us.
“Our friends might feel very different from each other. This can add spark and interest to our relationship, but it can also feel like a divide that we can’t attempt to cross.”
Asked why people get divorced or split up in their 50s, the expert said in some relationships the fifth decade “marks a moment of reevaluation. Of looking at our life and career, and our relationship and family, and evaluating whether or not we are happy.
“In many cases it also coincides with a transition in our children’s lives – if we have started a family together – as they grow older and become increasingly independent.”
Starting again after breakup later in life “can be a tough process”, Sturmer says. “We are often weighed down by complications from our previous relationships, ranging from financial arrangements to parenting choices, or the emotional impact of a previous breakup.”
But these moments can be an opportunity to reset at a different starting line, she says, “At a point in our lives when we know ourselves really well, and we have an understanding of what we need and what we want, and also what we don’t want in our relationships.”
Sturmer is online Counsellor, supporting women of all ages throughout the UK with challenges including: anxiety, depression, relationship difficulties, pregnancy, fertility, miscarriage, postnatal depression, domestic abuse, trauma, and loss.
